The Untold Reunion
by KHB123
Summary: In The Lonesome Death of Jack Monroe, a former partner of Captain America, Jack (Nomad), is dying. He is getting worse and slowly going insane. Before his death, he relocates his young adopted daughter, Bucky. Same story, but with deleted scenes and untold thoughts. Little Bucky remembers him as her father.


**The Untold Reunion in ****_The Lonesome Death of Jack Monroe_**

**Taking a break from the Winter Soldier, I read the short story in ****_The Winter Soldier_**** comic and after I read it, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I have never heard of Jack Monroe a.k.a. Nomad, which makes me feel worse because that's one-third of the point. Some of it, I could tell when he was hallucinating, but when I first finished, I really did think he failed at bringing down the gang of drug lords and was devastated...but then I looked it up and found out that they were just normal civilians selling normal ice cream to kids. **

**As horrifying as it sounds, I was relieved because even though Jack Monroe died tragically and alone, his final acts in life were all for seeing and then protecting his adopted daughter, Julia "Bucky" Winters, one last time. That's what and who I keep thinking about, since I happen to love kids and have high regards for them. I'm thinking that Julia was an important character, at least in Nomad's life, since he sees her as his daughter, and I'm wandering if she had a proper look at Nomad when he stopped by briefly to check in on her, she would remember, after all the adventures she had with him when she was a baby and then a toddler.**

**I don't own anything,****but I want to fill in a gap between a couple of pages in the story, that Nomad actually does get to talk to Julia before he goes and that maybe his final thoughts were of her when he was shot by the Winter Soldier. Plus, I like to imagine Jack Monroe looking like Bucky Barnes (Sebastian Stan) from the movies, while Julia 'Bucky' Winters looks like a younger Mckenzie Koy, who played Renesmee in ****_Breaking Dawn_****.**

**Warning: this story is rated M for strong language, sexual content, insanity, and bloody scenes**

_Pittsburg, Pennsylvania,_ _9 months before death_

Jack Monroe still couldn't remember how he had gotten his daughter's official adoption records, but to his dread, he suspected that he robbed those records during one of his illusions. His sickness was growing stronger; the serum in his system slowly deteriorating and driving him insane. Still, he was quite sure the records were real and found out that she was in Pittsburg, Pennsylvania with a Mr. and Mrs. Winters.

Bucky's real mother had been a drug addicted prostitute who neglected her daughter as a baby, whom Nomad had saved and took with him.

It wasn't until three years later that her mother had come to hunt down and kill Nomad in order to get her baby back. How a mother's love is shown in the strangest ways! he thought. He always hated Bucky's mother for what she did to her daughter, while then she later thought of having the right to get her back by trying to kill Nomad for "stealing" her child. He still had the scars that woman left him on his chest with her sword before she kidnapped Bucky.

He had watched it happen; a struggling, sobbing toddler in her arms, the mother pointing her twin sword against his throat, while he lay bleeding and weak on the ground, his death drawing near, his eyes fixed on his crying daughter, trying to tell her it was going to be okay-but the woman spared him and fled with the baby, most likely deciding to let him bleed to death like a dog. He could only remember his little Bucky screaming, _"Daddy!" _before he blacked out.*

After recovering, he tracked them down, eager and desperate to get his little girl back. After finding them while finishing off a massive gang fight in a grocery store, he followed the retreating mother back to the apartment, beaten and injured, but determined. The little girl was four years old at the time.

* * *

><p>The last time he had seen her was when she had run into his arms, hugging him, calling him "daddy" while her mother was pointing a gun at him, trapping him in the corner of the apartment they were hiding out in. "Let go of my daughter, or I swear to God I will shoot you!" she spat with menace.<p>

Nomad had taken a serious beating from the mother's seriously trained fighting skills, got disarmed and received a few bad bruises and cuts on his face from her heeled boot and now-disarmed knife, but at least he gave her a few injuries in return. Out of normal situations, he would try to do something reckless and try to kill anyone that threatened him with a gun. He's done it a hundred times, without hesitation.

But with little Bucky still cradled at his shoulder, Nomad hugged her tighter to him and said at the barrel of a gun, "Go ahead, then! Shoot me, bitch! Yeah, do it in front of a little kid and then take her. Wouldn't be the first time! If you think I'm just going to leave her with you, then you are crazy!"

_"__She is not _your_ daughter, she's _mine_!" _growled Bucky's mother, stepping forward until the gun's barrel pressed into his forehead, the metal cold as death.

Despite his racing heart, he glared at her with unflinching hatred and snarled, "You _beat _her! You left her, a little baby, hardly a year old, alone and vulnerable in a rat's alley! I even tried to give her back to you once, whore...but one look at you proved that you lost the right to be her mother a long time ago! I'd tell you to remember that, but you were definitely too high on heroine to even bother!"

"You pompous, deluded, murdering freak-show! You stole her from me! I already missed three years of her life because of you! I didn't come this far for this! I'm clean now! I'm going to be better to her...I-I-" She was stammering, but now tears appeared in her eyes.

"Mommy, no..." Bucky whimpered, her eyes peeping out to see the gun on Nomad's head. "Don't hurt Daddy!" Her mother must have prodded her into calling her "Mommy," which disgusted Nomad even more and wished now more than anything that he able to shield the little girl with every fiber of his being from that woman's wrath.

Still, there was something different about Bucky's mother; she wasn't in her trashy clothes and raccoon make-up, nor did she look crazy or demented when she did in their past few encounters, like when she stole Bucky from him. If anything, she reminded him of any mother that would do anything to protect her child; she even had the same fear in her eyes that he had recognized in his own many times before when it concerned his adopted daughter. He saw himself in the mother and, for the first time, understood what she was going through. Because in many ways, even when he tried not to be reminded of it, she was just as mentally damaged as he was; a psychopathic murderer.

Still, he said nothing when Bucky's mother was looking self-conflicted now, glancing at her daughter in his arms and then back at him. Now, instead of rage, there was pleading. "Don't make me shoot you in front of her," she said softly. "I am not giving up on her this time, but I will kill you if you even attempt to take my baby from me again."

Now it was Nomad who was in the conflict of the situation. Everything in his gut was telling him to just snatch up Bucky, knock the mother out, and flee with the child. He wouldn't care what it took; he would take care of the little girl...raise her right...be the light of his twisted life...and they would have fun together on their adventures, like always...but no matter how hard he tried to deny the truth, the reality was that he didn't know how long it would be before some other villain would come by to snatch away his daughter, and kill her or worse.

So far, he always managed to save her life, protect her, learning that he was putting her life over his if necessary (which he had never done for anyone else before), but there had been a few scary close calls. It was only a matter of time when the bad luck would catch up with him and he would fail to save her, and when it did, he would never forgive himself. Hell, he wasn't sure that he would live with it. Surviving the responsibility for the deaths of his abusive, Nazi-loving parents was one thing, but for his innocent, baby daughter's...

All he ever brought in her life was trouble. His entire life before finding her had always been full of action and terror, blood and murder, and none of it had felt nearly as _right_ as trying to protect his "little Bucky."

"Daddy?" she whimpered softly, and hearing her baby voice in his thoughts wrenched his heart horribly.

The truth was if he did take Bucky now, he would be everything that the mother was accusing him of: a child thief. If he would have to explain the details to Bucky later in life of what he did to save her from her mother, it was unlikely that she would ever forgive him, no matter how screwed up her mother had been.

He couldn't imagine going on without his daughter, but then again, he had always expected death at every minute of every day when his life was about taking down drug dealers, gangs, and Hydra scum. _I would have gladly given my life to her...but why can't I do this for her?_

What would Cap do? But he knew. As much as he hated this advice, he would give the girl's mother a second chance. He would do anything in his power to make sure the kid had a chance of a good life...a chance. Even if it had to be with this woman, who now looked steadier and more capable of raising her daughter.

"No need to strain yourself." He couldn't see and even his voice sounded dead. "As much as I really want to kick your ass for trying to kill me _and_ steal the one good thing in my life..." He choked when he said it, but he continued, "You're right. I have no right to take her from you, especially not now. But I need to know that you'll take care of her. That you'll _be there for her, always._ I need to know that I can trust you with her."

The gun didn't move from his head, but it no longer felt like a threat. The mother seemed to be looking at him for the first time and her teary face softened, suddenly looking attractive. Not an attractive prostitute, but just an attractive woman.

"I can see that you love her," she said. She finally lowered her gun. "But so do I, and I'll always hate myself for not seeing it earlier. She is the one good thing in my life. That's what we have in common, Nomad. I'm going to give her a good life, a normal life...but if you really care about her, if you want her to have the same thing I want for her, you have to let her go."

_Let her go. _She may as well have fired the bullet and wounded him. Her voice multiplied in his head like a command, like the million pieces of his heart cutting him to shreds. _Let her go. Let her go. Let her go._ Slowly he opened his arms and started gently loosening Bucky's hold on him.

"No, Daddy! Hol' me!" Bucky started to cry as she was placed on the ground. "Don't go!"

Feeling his own heart breaking, he cupped her little face in both of his large hands. It was soft, her little nose slightly freckled, and her eyes a bright green like her mother's but with more beautiful innocence, though they had many times been covered by a facial mask.

She was nothing like either of her parents; she was herself. A miracle.

His finger trailed through the softness of her dark hair, catching every tiny detail of her, before saying to her, "Hey, kiddo, don't get too weepy; you'll wake the rats." That's what he always told her ever since she was a baby, when she always bawled to the point of really driving him crazy, he would give up on asking her what she wanted and would just say this to her, "Don't get too weepy; you'll wake the rats." It was his translation to her, '_Please_, stop crying! Crying is for wimps!'

It worked; she giggled, but not so much for him. He brushed the tears and hair from her face and said, "Listen to me, Bucky. You know this woman who's been chasing after us. She's your real mother, and hell, I wish that wasn't true, but she's seems to be in good shape now. You're going to be staying with her for now on."

"But why?" echoed Bucky. "I don't wanna stay wi't her. I wanna go wi't you, Daddy." Her mother winced, obviously hurt.

"Yeah...another thing you should know. Baby, I'm...I'm not your father." Seeing her eyes widen with confusion, he swallowed and said hoarsely, "I've lead you to believe that...I let you call me that when you were so small, and...I guess I got lost in the joy of it. Before you, I didn't know what it was really like to raise a kid like you; I was lost, too absorbed in my own ambitions to even think about it. You changed me, Bucky. As I watched you grow, it got harder and harder to tell you the truth. I had suddenly liked the idea of being your father, of being someone's hero, and of bringing you up in the best way that I can, to be my sidekick in fighting crime..."

"Like all the scary bad people you beated up?"

Jack nodded, and looked down, ashamed. "But you know this life I have. It will always be full of bad guys trying to find a way to hurt me, and there's clearly no better way of them doing it than through you. This is why I...I have to let you go."

"Daddy, no," cried Bucky, fitfully. "Don't you like me anymore?"

The tears came then. He knew it was a sign of weakness, but he couldn't help it. Some things he just couldn't handle, and one of them was hurting his baby girl. He stroked her head tenderly. "Like you? I _love_ you, Bucky. More than you know, and if anything happened to you, I'd die. Daddy loves you...and don't you _ever_ forget it." It was the first time he told her that, but he regretted the fact that it might also be the last.

It seemed that she knew that as well, and looked happy when he said it. "I love you, too, Daddy," whispered Bucky, and she hugged him. He let her, because he felt that if he didn't, it would kill him later on. Tears streaming down his nose, he tightened his arms around her tiny body and kissed the side of her head multiple times, inhaling the familiar scent of her hair, feeling her little heart beat, and her tiny rapid breathing against his neck one last time.

_I'm doing the right thing, _he told himself._ It has to be. But damn, why does it feel like its destroying me? Guess death doesn't seem so bad, after all._

"You're crying, Daddy," whispered Bucky in his ear. "You'll wake the rats."

Jack choked in laughter. "Damn right I will," he whispered back, "but I'll be ready to kick them back in the sewer."

Then when they both let go, he told her, "Okay, scamp, show me your brave face." Every time they faced a villain, that's what he would say to her.

Her little face bunched up and bared her tiny teeth, looking more cute than scary. "Grrrrrr!"

"That's my girl!" Smiling through his tears, he kissed her on the forehead.

* * *

><p>By now, she should be almost seven.<p>

Back in the present day, nine months before his death, he drove all the way there to Pittsburg, where it was snowing. He finally tracked the address of the Winters' house and decided to walk the rest of the way there. It had turned out that her mother had been killed a year ago by the Super-Aryan, so the motherhood didn't last, but Jack had mostly been concerned with Bucky's safety.

When he learned that he was dying, his main goal was tie loose ends. Friends and family. He considered Steve Rogers his only friend, but he didn't want to share his troubles with Cap. He certainly didn't want anything to do with SHIELD, especially when he had recently been the villain, Scourge.

Finally he walked up to the house, where a woman was pushing a little girl on a swing. When slowly coming closer, seeing the girl's long brown hair and bright green eyes, he instantly recognized her. _Bucky. _Though its been nearly three years, his daughter looked to have grown three inches taller. Her hair was longer and a lighter brown, and had a slightly lankier body, but she still looked small, innocent, and beautiful as ever. And happy.

"Higher, Mommy! Make me go higher!" she cried joyfully. "Make me fly!"

_Like I used to make you fly. _He could do nothing but watch, keeping his distance. Her new mother looked frighteningly a lot like Bucky's biological mother, but in a much cleaner and older version of her. Bucky, now going by her birth name, Julia-Julia Winters now-was dressed in a warm sweater with purple pants and boots, riding on her bolted swing set. She looked like a happy, normal little kid with a family who loves her.

Her familiar high-pitched laughter was like music to his ears.

Though he was comforted to know that she was alright and that he was relieved to see her again, it broke his heart again to know that he can never talk to her. Never hold her in his arms again like when she was a baby. Not when the foster mother was there.*

It was torture to watch, but he did do for as long as he could, until Mrs. Winters lifted Julia off the swing set and started heading inside. Little Julia was skipping playfully across the knee-deep snow when she turned. She stopped skipping and was looking right at him. Her smile faded a little as she stared.

Jack felt his heart skip a beat, feeling as though time stopped. Did she recognize him? _Bucky._

At first the little girl tilted her head at him, blinking her wide eyes a few times. Then she turned around and scampered to Mrs. Winters. "That man's watching us, Mommy."

Jack barely had time to absorb how crushed he felt when he moved fast to the nearest tree before the two of them turned around. Mrs. Winters looked around. "What? What man, honey?"

Julia looked bewildered, taking a few steps forward and looked around. "He was _right there_. Where'd he go?"

_She didn't know me. _Wincing in pain, he slumped heavily against the tree trunk for support in the shadows, feeling the sickness take over. His will of strength slipping away, he leaned over to cough up sick in the snow. The snow stained red.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Julia inside with her mom, drinking hot chocolate, looking out the window. She was confused. She <em>knew<em> she had seen a man watching both her and Mrs. Winters from across the road. He looked familiar. He looked like everybody else that passed by...though by everyone else, he looked like a stalker waiting to kidnap her, or something, in which she instantly had to let her new mother know (Julia learned to grow that instinct, after having been kidnapped on multiple occasions in the past)...but then there was something about him...the look of a sad sort of tenderness he gave her, his grizzly but handsome face, his long strands of brown hair, his tall, muscular stature..."

"Mommy, I just remembered that I needed to tell Holly something," Julia said, putting down her cup. Holly was a friend from her first grade class, also living three houses down the street. "Can I go to her house for a bit?"

"Really, now?" Mrs. Winters looked surprised. "What about making your soup?"

"Can we make it when I get back? It's really important. Homework stuff."

"Alright, then, but you're going to go walk by yourself?"

"Yeah, I can handle it, Mom. See you later." She walked out the screen door again, tucking her hands in her pockets.

"Be back by two 'o'clock! And be safe!"

"I will!" She started walking out. She had handled way more tougher things than walking alone, from her past. And if her suspicions were right, the past was catching up with her.

* * *

><p>Jack Monroe was still dizzy from getting sick, from coughing up blood again, his mind going into the turmoil of his insanity. He was sitting on a bench down the street, his head hanging over his folded hands while he felt the illusions take over of the old Bucky Barnes laughing at him from the broken mirror.<p>

_What did you expect, Monroe? A warm welcome? A little love? Nobody in their right mind would ever love a crazy loser like you. You are nobody. Your own "daughter" forgot about you. Hahahaha..._

"Shut the hell up! Just shut the freaking hell up, you fucking asshole!" His hands now gripped the sides of his head, threatening to pull clumps of hair out. _It doesn't matter. I got to see her one more time, and she's fine. She's happy, and I'll remember her like that: playing on a swing, having fun, safe, and loved. That was all I wanted for her. I'm happy for her. Really. You need to let her go, Jack. Need to get it together...need a drink...a lot of drinks..._

"Daddy?"

The voice made him look up and in front of him stood Julia Winters, alone, staring up at him with both surprise and uncertainty, scared. He was staring at her for so long, that Julia finally stammered, "Is your name...Jack Monroe, mister? Nomad?"

Not sure if she was an illusion, and not caring, he stood up, looming above her while she looked tiny in front of him. Not as tiny as he last saw her, but she was not a baby anymore. After trying hard to find his voice, he managed with a crack of emotion, "Hello, Bucky."

With that, she gasped...and then smiled. She charged forward and wrapped her little arms around his waist, tightly. "Oh, Daddy, it _is_ you! I knew you looked familiar!"

She was real! Jack felt the barriers crumble around inside him and the pain become relief when he enveloped her in his arms, but the dizziness took over, so he had to sit down on the bench and pulled her, his little girl, into his lap to hug her. "Hell yeah," he breathed. "Oh, man...I really missed you, sweetheart! You have no idea."

"I missed you, too," whispered Julia. She finally pulled from the hug and sat down next to him, looking him up and down, but Jack spoke first, "You've gotten taller. Lost some baby fat, but only some."

"_You _look different," pointed out Julia. "No wonder I didn't recognize you. I usually see you in leather and your sunglasses. And your hair's shorter. Just a bit."

"Well, thank God, I was starting to think you'd mistaken me for more dealer scum, but at least I'd know that you know how to keep your guard up."

"Actually, I thought you were going to be kidnapper number five, but yeah, I guess." Julia shrugged.

Jack frowned. "Speaking of kidnappers, won't your new family be worried that you are out here talking with a strange guy who clearly has a record for crazy?"

"They wouldn't know. I told my foster mom that I was going to my friend Holly's house. I got until two 'o' clock."

_Only an hour with my daughter. _He wasn't sure whether to break the news to her, about the real reason why he was here to see her, but instead he said with concern, "I really hope you are looking after yourself. I can never stop wondering whether you are safe when I'm never in one place for too long."

After a pause, he said, "You seem happy with your new family."

Julia shrugged, not looking at him, but her little mouth quirked a smile. "They're okay. I mean, they're really nice, and I like my new last name, Winters, 'cause it really sounds like a superhero name. I just got used to calling Mr. and Mrs. Winters my mommy and daddy, and I like my school. I have friends now...and bullies, but nothing I can't handle." She smiled at Jack meaningfully.

"So, do I call you 'Julia' now, or-"

"You can still call me Bucky. All my friends do. Only my parents and teachers call me Julia. But-" She looked uneasy, her feet dangling from the bench cross. She looked sad now.

"Hey, something the matter?" He put a hand on her arm. He attempted to smile, though his stomach flipped uneasily. "Come on, Buck, tell me. It's alright."

"Where were you?" she mumbled. She turned her wide green eyes to him, looking hurt. "You were gone a very long time. Why didn't you come back for me after my mom died?"

Jack said nothing but stared at her, feeling the ache in his chest and the hard lump in his throat, which was still filling with fluid from his sickness. His mind went woozy suddenly, swimming in spirals and throbbing intensely; Julia's face suddenly distorted became the laughing, wicked image of Bucky Barnes-Captain America-Julia's mother-and then, worst of all, himself.

_Pathetic piece of nothing, _his face told him.

Grimacing and shutting his eyes in horror, he looked away and shut his eyes, pinching at his face with effort. _No, not now, dammit, _he thought. _Keep it together, Jack. Don't lose yourself now._

"Daddy?" Julia was staring at him in shock. "Daddy, what's wrong?" She looked scared and reached to touch him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings..."

"No, no, God, no," gritted Jack, blinking away the illusions, though the laughter was still faint in his ears. Finally, he managed to look at her with unfocused eyes. "It's not you, honey, I swear. I'm just-" _I'm just slowly losing my sanity towards the point of my death, because the damn super-serum is poisoning me now. By the way, Billy, thanks for that! I hope your share of the serum kills you, too, and I'll be laughing from my grave when it does!_

"Are you having one of your fits again?" Julia knew that Jack had a temper and sometimes went erratic when something bothered him. Erratic, involving curses, broken bottles, and heavy shooting at bad guys. One time there had even been a bloodbath when escaping a prison, and when carrying her out, he had tell her to close her eyes until they got out. She would be too young to remember the details, but there had been a few times when she glimpsed at him having paranoid moments, and usually they scared her.

He grimaced when seeing her anxious expression. He didn't want to scare her now, especially when Dr. Jane Foster warned him that he could be a danger to those around him.

* * *

><p>After he had given up Bucky to her mother, although he continued roaming as Nomad, he became an alcoholic and usually got into violent bar fights. After that, he secretly turned to drugs, and had OD'd once, though the serum healed him.<p>

He was heartbroken. It was like when he lost his little girl, a large part of his better self was gone with her. Life had become a sad, twisted joke.

It hadn't been long before he was brainwashed by Faustus into becoming his Nazi puppet, guilting him into bringing back old memories and becoming his father's son (even admitting it to Cap), but Steve had managed to snap him out of it by reminding him of who he really was-the Nomad, Steve's friend, and Bucky's adopted father. Despite Steve's efforts to keep the peace, a vengeful Nomad had shot Faustus in cold-blood in his prison cell, but not before stating to Faustus that he had already forgiven himself for his parents' deaths.

Soon, after a run-in with his old classmate he bullied as a kid, Ingrid, who ended up attempting to bring back the Nazi organization, Nomad eventually had the camp blown up, killing Ingrid but Nomad had been mortally wounded during the explosion and was believed to be dead. He remembered cursing Espurer for ruining his life, but most of all, he kept seeing Bucky in his haze and whispered her name before blacking out.

Somebody else found him, put him in suspended animation, and then turned him into Scourge of the Underworld, the notorious serial killer. Being aware of the whole thing and watching helplessly as his body was being controlled, it was him being a villain, killing innocents, had went on for over a year until this anti-criminal group called the Thunderbolts with the help of the Avengers managed to snap him out of it. Horrified with what he had done, he helped the Thunderbolts defeat all those who have brainwashed him, including Super Aryan, whom he discovered had killed Bucky's mother with his support, but afterwards he fled.

He became Nomad again, and had kept Scourge's equipment, though he barely used it after being shaken up into becoming a serial killer. He killed mercilessly before, had had his share of a psychotic life both in the '50's and present day, but what scared him the most was that he had become worse than his father, who was a Nazi supporter. Though responsible for their deaths by accident, he hated both of his parents for abusing him and his sister when-hell, when he was Julia's age.

He was just thankful to Cap once again for helping keep his identity as Scourge buried with SHIELD, who have cleared his name.

Though Jack was Nomad again, his heavy drinking continued and a few times, he eventually found himself getting weaker and beating up innocent civilians. Guilty, he was thankful he hadn't killed anyone, but only three months ago, he went to Dr. Jane Foster to get checked up. It was Foster who concluded that he was dying, his super-serum finally breaking down from the aftereffects of the nano-tech that had molded him into Scourge.

Nano-tech or not, he always knew it would happen eventually, and strangely, he wasn't afraid when Foster broke the news to him. He felt sad, of course...but he just accepted it, calmly, emotionlessly, already feeling dead inside. Then Foster told him she was sorry and that he should probably go say good-bye to friends and family. Except he had no friends and family...not at the time, which was one of the reasons why he felt nothing.

The only friend he would consider ever having was Cap (Rogers, not Burnside), but even then, the relationship was merely a friendly support to each other, temporary partnership, and then moral debates, but he didn't want to let Steve know he was dying because he knew the soldier would try to help him...which was the last thing Jack wanted from Cap because Cap deserved better than to worry over Nomad's problems _again. _

The only thing that was haunting his mind, as he was wandering the streets in his misery, was the one person he desperately wanted to see before he left this world: Bucky, his adopted daughter, whom he considered to be the only family he had left, even when he didn't know where she was. It was because of her that he was determined to remain strong enough, live long enough to see her again, and make sure she was alright.

Ever since he learned that her mother was killed, he hadn't heard a word about her and that worried him sick.

It was right after he had left Scourge behind that he even went straight to the SHIELD agency (for the last time) to demand what happened to his daughter and was hoping that she wasn't killed as well. She was alive and well, thank God, being found three days alone in an apartment in Bronx after her mother went missing, but to his annoyance, Director Fury pointed out the obvious in saying she wasn't his daughter and therefore is lawfully not allowed to know her current whereabouts, for her safety.

"Safety? I would never hurt her, dammit!" argued Monroe at Fury in his office. "She won't even have to know that I was-" He couldn't even say it: Scourge, a psychopath, a killer, a villain. "Look, can't you at least just tell her-"

"No, I am not going to allow you to intrude on an innocent child's life because one) you were likely involved in that her mother's death and two) because last I heard, a nice couple was willing to step up and adopt the girl, knowing who she is and what she had lived with," snapped Fury. "Her identity and location are now classified, and you are no longer applicable to be any part of her life. True, you may have been cleared for being brainwashed under the influence of Hydra, but we still don't know what the effects have done to you and whether it will make you a danger to anyone that surrounds you.

Remember, Monroe, it's happened before."

"I know, and believe me, it won't happen again! I'll make sure of it, but this isn't about me, it's about Bucky-"

"Julia!" interrupted Fury. "It's about _Julia. _That is her real name, am I right? I read all the files on you, Jack, and found some pretty interesting ones. About how you picked her off the streets, and instead of handing her over to Child Services, you spent the past three years bringing her on your road trips as a vigilante, all of which involved a _number_ of feuds with wanted dealers and mob leaders. You made _a one year-old _your sidekick, and she wasn't even legally adopted."

"Wait, Fury, just listen-"

"No, _you_ listen! You may have done a lot of service to national security, but despite that, your record of psychotic breakdowns and serial killings are just as dirty. You're unstable, you're irresponsible, and you are _barely_ crossing the line in becoming a public number one enemy. Be grateful that Captain Rogers spoke on your behalf and proved that you were in mind control, but that doesn't make me any less suspicious. And as for the kid-I just pray to God that she hasn't seen anything that would have messed up her head!"

"She hasn't! I've _protected_ her, for God's sake!" shouted Jack, slamming his fist on the desk with a crack. "I _always_ have and _always_ will protect her, even if you can't see it!"

Fury only gave him the steely eye. "Then protect her from _yourself_," he warned him. "I'm not telling you anything else about her, other than the fact that she's with a new family now. You're on your own with this one, but I'm warning you, Jack...my patience can be limited. Stay away from that little girl, or I will not help you when you are caught and convicted. And if that's not enough, I will even let a little bird slip some information to the family, warning them of all the things you were responsible for...the murders, Julia's mother, Scourge...I can keep on going and it would be a long list. Do you really want that to happen?"

Jack was so stunned that he was lost for words for a long minute. The hatred in his eyes was so intense that he was ready to strangle Fury with his bare hands. But Fury was not the enemy, nor was he a friend, but Jack felt his rage turn to fear, and then to sorrow. He was trapped. If Bucky ever found out what he did, for what he was responsible for...Finally, avoiding that steely eye, he murmured in defeat, "No."

"Good. Then we're done here. You can show yourself out."

Jack looked at Fury, disgusted, and then turned to walk out of the room, muttering, "Yeah, I'll show myself out...for good." That had been his falling out with SHIELD and the Avengers.

* * *

><p>"Are you going to stay?" asked Julia, while Jack kept rubbing his head until the noises stopped.<p>

Jack looked down at her sadly. "Bucky, I'm sorry, but there was a reason I couldn't come to see you. I'm technically not even supposed to be here."

"Why not?"

"Well, because apparently I'm-what was it?-paranoid, unstable, unresistingly and dangerously charming..." He made a face and poked at her, and she started giggling. "It can only cause so much dilemma!"

"But you don't fight evil for the law, right?"

"Yeah...right. You knew that, too." Jack's smile faded, and looked away. "How was it with...your mother...your _real _mother...before she..."

"I don't know," mumbled Julia. "I mean, I loved her, honest, 'cause she sometimes reminded me of you, getting a little crazy sometimes and moving around a lot, but sometimes it felt...off, like almost robotic. At first I was scared that she was pretending to like me...'cause it's hard to forget that she almost killed you when she took me, but I guess it was better than...other times."

"What other times?"

"I was a little scared of her, really. At first, she was everything that a mom should be, except that I didn't go to school and make any friends. I remember sometimes she read me stories, sang me lullabies, and took me to different parks to play in, but that was it. Then she got weird, like dizzy on her feet and very mean looking, a lot like when she was trying to kill you. Sometimes after she'd put me the bed, and I'd sneak out sometimes, I hear her voice and a man's voice in the other room. I didn't see much, but I think they were kissing. It was gross. Then, I got brave enough 'cause I wanted to see the man."

Julia shivered and hugged herself, looking frightened. Jack felt a chill run along his spine, and then rage boiled over as the little girl described it. "I only asked if he was my real father, and then they both looked at me. The man was big and scary and started yelling really loudly at me, then Mommy started yelling, and I started screaming and ran back in my room. He looked a lot like that big, creepy guy you beat up and won when I was still with you. Then you got me a taco and I wanted to give you a band aid and then I wasn't scared anymore.

There was a lot of screaming and breaking stuff and I was really scared. Then when the man was gone, Mommy was crying. I got out to give her a hug, and her face was bleeding 'cause I think he hit her. Then she kept saying sorry over and over and said she'd make it up to me, but I told her that its the man's fault, not hers. I asked her if that was my real dad, and she said no, and I was really glad 'cause he looked evil. Then she said I love you to me and carried me back to bed, and I told her the same. She even gave me back Jackie Bear, 'cause she took it since you gave him to me."

She wiped her nose, and he realized that she was trying not to cry. "Then she was gone. She didn't come back. I thought she left me at first, but the police came three days later and picked me up. They said my mom died, but they didn't tell me how. I only took Jackie Bear with me."

His fists clenched so tightly they turned pale. He knew exactly what the mother was doing; he had seen it before, including on himself. Drugs, sex...she was back to whoring her way to the top. _All those promises of being better, getting clean, and giving her daughter a good life...lies. LIES! I gave up my little Bucky for nothing! I lost her for NOTHING! I should have knocked out that woman and grabbed the kid when I had the chance! _

He must have been getting so lost in his own rage and the mind sickness began to bubble over like beginning to show his inner skin for the need of violence, because Julia started to get scared and hugged his arm, her head pressing against him. "Don't get mad, Daddy. It's okay. It's okay."

Ever since she was a baby and had spoken her first words, when he would get lost in his temper, she would hug his leg or arm and say, "O-K" until "It's okay" over and over until he calmed down; then afterward, he would feel ashamed and then pick her up, saying, "Sorry, kiddo. Old habits. Not one of Daddy's proudest styles."

"Better?" asked Julie, after Jack took some deep breaths to calm himself.

Then he turned to her, demanding, "Did she ever hurt you?"

"No, she loved me," insisted Julia. "She was scary sometimes, but I really think she was trying to be good. Really. I really miss her, too, like I missed you."

_Maybe it wasn't a mistake. Sure, the bitch lied in my face, but at least Bucky got to know her mother._

And as for her father, the Pimp, he remembered too well. He had one time kidnapped Julia almost instantly after Nomad tried to bring her back to her mother, but with the help of a friend, he got her back and defeated the Pimp, only just sparing his life before running off with the baby, deciding to keep her so that she wouldn't end up in an institute like Jack did. He ran into the Pimp a few more times in the past, also involving a second kidnapping of Bucky (the Pimp even rubbed it in that Bucky was not Nomad's daughter, but Nomad refused to fall for that liability), but he hoped the man got mixed up with some other drug gang and finally got himself killed. He also hoped Julia would never have to find out who her real dad was. _You don't want to know, kiddo._

He hoped that Julia would always be the sweet, lovable kid that he raised. A kid who was the opposite of him in every way, except for having a similar lifestyle as he did as a child. She lost her mother. She had him as a father once, although he was never in any position to raise a child in the first place, but he tried the best he could.

All he knew was that he wanted to keep the baby away from Child Services to avoid a depressing life in the foster system (a childhood life he himself was trapped in, until he became the 1950s Bucky with his teacher, William "Billy" Sideburn, who was the new Captain America-his escape to freedom) and then tried everything with her that his own father had never tried for him, which was probably why Jack Monroe had been a bully and a brat in his childhood. Someone Julia never was and never could be, to his relief.

Now he was dying. Another parent Julia was going to lose.

"I'm sorry about your mother, Bucky," Jack said softly. "I really am. And I'm sorry I never came in time to get you the moment I heard about it. It's just...complicated now. I don't know what else to tell you."

"Maybe we could go away again," said Julia. She gasped and then said hopefully, "I could come with you and be your sidekick again!"

"Wait, Bucky, hold on-"

"It'll be fun! You could teach me how to fight and kick and how to be sneaky, and we can beat bad guys again! We can run away from police and still help them like you do! I want to see some Avengers again, like Captain America when you escaped jail! He was really cool and nice! We can have our adventures again, and I can someday be a superhero like you-"

_She's just like me, a young dreamer. _As she kept cheering this on, her voice fading slightly, Monroe felt the fluid in his chest again, the pain, and leaned back to take deep breaths.

_This is what you wanted, isn't it? Your daughter back. She _wants_ to be your sidekick. She is practically begging for you to take her back. _The voices in his head seethed. _Everything you always wanted is being laid at your feet, Nomad. Take the shot. Take the shot. TAKE THE SHOT!_

"Julia, stop! Just stop!" he snapped, his hand pinching his face again.

Calling her by her real name was definitely a first. She flinched at his snapping voice as if she had been slapped, looking a little afraid, and he instantly felt guilty. When the dizziness eased a little, he finally found the words that he had been hesitant to say, "Bucky...I'm sick."

"I kind of already guessed that," whispered Julia. "You do look awful. You should be resting in bed, having soup. That always helps you feel better."

Jack shook his head, barely able to look at her. "Yeah...except that I won't get better."

"What do you mean?" She looked up at him, looking more confused, smaller, and more troubled. Then her voice cracked, "Daddy? What do you mean you won't get better? You're not..."

He didn't want to tell her. He had only wanted to find her, to see her again, and actually getting the chance to talk to her, to hold her in his arms again, was more than he hoped for...but he hadn't planned to tell her. Now clearly, she needed to know.

Swallowing the bile in his throat, he finally looked at her, the innocence in her eyes now swimming with confusion, fear...and then realization, followed by tears.

"I needed to see you one last time, sweetheart," he whispered. "I couldn't leave this world without knowing my baby girl was alright."

Julia had kept shaking her head, rapid tears falling from her eyes. "No...no...no..."

"I came here to say good-bye."

"But you're here!" Julia whimpered loudly. "You're here now! You can't be dying! You just got back! You look fine! You'll be fine! And you heal fast, right?"

_That's the irony, _thought Jack. _The same formula that was meant to make me heal faster is turning in on itself and killing me. But the formula was never ready, wasn't it? _He had told her once about his super-serum injection while he had been working jobs, trying hard to feed her, but she had been a year old and could barely walk, so she couldn't remember.

He sighed. "Not this time, kiddo. I keep saying that I'm invincible, that I can beat anything, but I'm obviously not. As usual, I can be wrong."

"I want to come with you!" exclaimed Julia, tearfully.

_Deja`vu. It's like she's four years old again and begging me to not leave her with her mother._

_Take the shot...take the shot..._

_I'm not a child thief. I'm not even that crazy bastard, Billy Sideburn. I'm not ruining the life she deserves, a life I never got. I'm not turning her into me._

"Bucky, no, you can't," said Jack, firmly. It was tearing him apart, but he continued, "You have a life here now, a life you are _very_ lucky to have. I'm not going to let you throw it all away."

"But you finally came back, and now you're dying!" Still crying, she looked down at her feet. "I don't want to leave you alone."

_She knows me too well. _Nomad has always been a loner, even when he was with the Avengers. "I'm going to get worse, Bucky. The same stuff that has made me stronger and faster is also the stuff that's going haywire. I'm going to lose some memories, my abilities, get sick a whole damn lot, and...oh yeah, I'm slowly going crazy, just to make it fun."

"You're always crazy," mumbled Julia, still not looking at him.

Jack scoffed humorlessly. "Yeah, but believe me, it's nothing like this." _I'm seeing things, hearing voices, and feeling like I'm peeling my skin over and over. Worse than getting sick. _"I'm not going to stop fighting it, Buck, but when it does take over, then...I won't be myself anymore, and believe me, I've been there before and it's not pretty. I don't want you to ever see me like that, or be around me when it happens."

"I feel useless," said Julia softly. "I can never do anything like you can. You won't even admit that I'm not good enough to help you."

_She's wrong._ He leaned over to catch her gaze. "Hey, look at me," Jack said softly. When she didn't and shook her head stubbornly, he placed his arm over her little shoulders and tried again, "Baby, look at me. I want to tell you something." When she finally looked up, her face a mess with tears, he told her, "You know that I'm not your real father, right?"

"Yeah."

"I wish I was, though. Man, you have no idea how many times I wished that, just so that I have the right to take you with me, and I would in a heartbeat. But either way, look at the life you have now: you have a real home, school, friends, and a family. A family who clearly loves you and can provide you with the things I never could."

"But I-"

"Bucky, c'mon! Look at you!" He gestured to all of her clothes and height. "One year with the Winters, and look how well you're adjusting. You've grown, living a good and stable life, and most importantly, you're happy. I can already see that." Heart aching, he attempted a small smile and moved his hand from her shoulder to cup her soft, wet face tenderly. "I'm proud of you, kiddo."

Julia sniffed, wetting his hand with more tears, her mouth trembling as her eyes had trouble focusing. "You are?" she croaked. "Why?"

"Because you are so brave, Bucky. You have always been brave, even when you don't remember it. Whenever I make a mistake, you were always there to fix me, just by being you. Honest, loyal, kind...forgiving..." Tears burned his eyes, but he swallowed them and looked his daughter in the eye with absolute sincerity. "You are _everything_ to me, Julia Winters. Bucky Monroe. Whatever your name is. Everything...until my last dying breath. I have taken many identities...I spent most of my life trying so hard to prove that I can be my own man, a great man...but making you my daughter was the best and only thing that felt completely right...and always will be. You are my hero...and I'm thankful for that."

That was the longest emotional conversation that Jack Monroe had ever expressed to her. Normally, he would wave away things, say trashy but positive remarks, but expressing his emotions were always done physically, like when he held her almost all the time, protected her from harm, coxed her into eating what food he can provide her, comforted her when she was hurt (like when she had been bullied once by a random kid from a street gang when she tried to make a friend during one of Nomad's missions, and since she wouldn't fight back, it would have ended up worse if Nomad hadn't intervened), kissed her goodnight, and even played different active games with her, just to teach her a few sneak-attack moves or learn the alphabet.

He was even proud to show her to different people in different places (she didn't remember them that well, but she had a feeling they were from the streets or bars). But very rarely did he have words to express how he truly felt, as was expected from Nomad and his reckless habits. She didn't know what kind of life he had before he became Nomad (except that he was born in the '40s, which still confused her), but she grew up with it and loved him just the way he was. Now everything's changed...a dying man can probably do that.

Julia was speechless for so long, that Jack had cracked an awkward smile. "Bucky, I'm laying my dignity at your feet. Don't leave me stranded here."

Then, still weeping, she hugged him and he again enveloped her in his arms. It felt exactly like the same thing happening all over, when he had last parted with his four year-old daughter, remembering every detail of her: the smell of her hair, her body so tiny and fragile in his arms, her heart beating against his chest. He cherished all of it until it would be taken away from him. Again.

"I love you, Daddy," whispered Julia, her skinny, little arms still wrapped around his neck.

Jack closed his eyes and hugged her more tightly. "I love you, too, baby," he whispered back. "Always have, always will. You hear me?"

"Yeah...I hear you." Julia's giggle became a hiccup. Then her body tensed. "Uh-oh."

"What's wrong?" He pulled from the hug, but she was looking over his shoulder, across the street. Then she leapt of the bench and started tugging his hand.

"It's my mom. She's coming this way! We gotta hide! Come on, quick!"

_Oh, shit! _One glance over his shoulder, and he saw Mrs. Winters walking down the sidewalk three houses down. She didn't seem to spot them yet, but she was heading close to their direction. He knew he looked like a mess; one look from Mrs. Winters, and she would think that he was a druggie, trying to kidnap her child. It would definitely look bad.

After the little girl tugged without success, he easily scooped her up and dashed them both extra-fast behind the nearest tree, out of sight. When he put her down, she was giggling in delight. "That was fun! I missed that!"

"Looks like your new mom couldn't wait an hour."

"She worries. She knows that I got kidnapped a lot, so..." She trailed off and became upset when looking up at him. "You're leaving now, aren't you?"

"Your mom's probably heading to your friend's house. If she finds out you weren't there...I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean to get you in trouble."

"S'okay, I can make something up. I did it before."

"Yeah, well, don't get use to it. It's not your style," warned Monroe, and Julia nodded obediently. When Jack looked around the tree, and saw the foster mother turn toward the friend's porch, he glanced back down at the little girl. "You should probably get going."

"Wait!" Then she tucked her hand in her sweatshirt pocket and pulled out something black: her baby Bucky mask. "I usually carry this for good luck, in case I get scared so that I can put it on and pretend to be a superhero," she said softly. "But it's getting too small now, and I can't see that good when I wear it." She took one of his hands and placed the tiny mask in it. "I don't want you to be alone, but if I can't come with you, can you at least take this, just in case things get bad and you'll need good luck?"

He remembered when he first put the mask on her, naming her Bucky after his own childhood hero (Captain America's sidekick), not long after he had picked her up off the corner of an alley near a Hookers Club. Since she was abandoned and after finding out her mother was a trashy drug addict and her father a drug-dealing pimp, he didn't know what to do with her at the time (he had been uncomfortable around kids back then), so he decided that he wanted a sidekick, and thought about having the baby become his little helper in charms, if not in combat. Still, it was the first gift he ever gave her. Even before Jackie Bear, when he started seeing her more as his daughter than his sidekick.

He tucked the mask in his pocket and patted it. "Safe and sound."

Julia looked like she was going to cry again, but Jack knelt down and pulled her to him, hand stroking her little head. "Hey, hey, no more crying, okay? You got to be out there in a minute, and we don't want to cause any suspicion. Besides, you'll wake the rats!"

She hiccuped in laughter, her smile warm and glowing despite her tears. "Just be careful, okay?" she choked. "Just try to get better and come back to visit, okay? You can even meet my new parents!"

Jack swallowed the doubt he felt and said, "I'll do my best, sweetheart...if you promise me something: that you will always be good. Not a superhero, not a sidekick, but the brave, sweet, beautiful little lady I see right now. Promise me."

"I promise." She then wrapped her arms around him in a hug one more time. "I love you."

"And _I _love _you_...so much," he whispered back, hugging her to him more tightly, savoring every moment and praying that he will remember it all when things turned to the worst. When she pulled back, he cupped her little face with both of his hands, thumb brushing her chin, her round green eyes and baby-like face soft and glowing. _She's so beautiful, _he thought. He wanted to tell her to show him her brave face, but that was the bravest face he ever saw, and wanted to remember it. He nodded. "That's my girl," he whispered, and then leaned over to kiss the top of her forehead, closing his eyes, heart twisting in his gut.

Then, trying so hard to appear calm, he finally looked at her one more time, hands still cupping her face, and strained himself while saying softly, "Go. Go..."

Julia sniffled and nodded sadly. "Bye," she said softly, and then she turned and ran across the street to her mother.

Feeling his strength wane and agony come back-not just from the sickness-he leaned heavily against the tree for support, and watched from the distance as his little Bucky, now Julia Winters, met up with her adopted mother, who looked ready to scold her for causing a scare. After the exchange between them, Mrs. Winters finally leaned down and hugged little Julia.

_Well, that's that, then, _he thought miserably, as he watched them both walk down the sidewalk. Holding her mother's hand, Julia turned to look at him from across the street, looking uncertain. He smiled sadly and gave her the peace sign. It worked; she gave him her beautiful smile and did the peace sign back.

Finally, both the woman and the little girl disappeared in their house, back to their life...and when Jack Monroe closed his eyes, the tears he held back finally broke free, streaming down his face.

He hadn't been sure he would have been able to do it a second time, letting his little Bucky go...but he did...and it wasn't any less painful than the last time. Like old wounds reopened. Too painful to even breathe...but he had to, for Julia. He sniffed, hastily wiped his face with both hands, took a deep breath to compose himself, and willed himself to walk away back to the car, his eyes half-blind with the mist of agony. He forced himself not to look at her house when he went.

"Good-bye, Bucky," he croaked.

* * *

><p>Straight after leaving Julia's neighborhood, he hit the nearest bar in town, already downing his fourth bottle of beer to ease the pain of losing his daughter (for good, this time) and, despite his misery, kept convincing himself over and over how happy he really was for Julia, about the normal life she has now and the bright future that is waiting for her.<p>

_The future..._That was what he will be missing, but he could already picture her as a beautiful young woman who will graduate from college, get a boyfriend (_Ugh, screw that thought!_), and maybe find a career that would involve helping people in need, or...maybe even become a mother. A good mother, unlike her own, and hopefully with a husband who would be a better father than he was.

Still, despite knowing that there was no hope left for him, there was plenty for her. That was at least a comforting thought.

_But what if she forgets me? _Her baby mask was wrapped around his hand while gripping his beer bottle. _Doesn't matter. Maybe it's better like that. She's happy, that's what matters, and I'm very proud of her. Really. _He took another long drink, letting the alcohol take over, easing the storm in his mind.

He was thinking about heading back to New York to Dr. Foster. Now that he said goodbye to his daughter, there was nothing left for him here...or anywhere. He was thinking about trying that cure. Dr. Foster said that it would kill him faster since he was too far gone, but he didn't care. If it killed him, then fine. It will put him out of his misery, end the pain, rid of one less nuisance the world had. He knew he had promised Julia that he would try his best to fight the sickness, but he didn't see how.

That was when he heard the conversation from across the bar. These two guys were having this discussion...what was it...they were talking about a parking lot at the elementary school...kids are monsters for this stuff...Makin' some serious bank...

Hot alarm bells went off in his head, and his body tensed up with sudden shock and shaking rage. There was a major-league _drug dealer _operating in this town, right out of this bar. Selling dope to the kids at Julia's school.

_She's just in first grade, you sick conceded bastards! _He wanted to scream and then beat the living crap out of them. Julia-his little Bucky was just six years old and there was already some scum trying to get her strung out. He wanted to kill these guys now...but not here. This was not the right place.

He left his bills and stormed out the bar, fist clenched and his face molten hot with rage and determination, his mind screaming at him to get going. Fast. _My Bucky is still in danger. I can't leave. Not now. She may have new parents...but she still needs protection, damn it! I'm not going to let some a hoard of trash try to poison her...OR BE ANYWHERE NEAR HER EVER AGAIN!_

* * *

><p><em>Looks like there's one last mission for the Nomad to tackle. And I can't think of a better way to spend the last months of my life, really, than bringing down a dealer. Protecting my daughter. Keeping her innocence safe as long as I can.<em>

He's done this before, tackling organized crime, drug distribution. You start at the bottom and work your way up the chain. It's always the same. Even with his condition, he thought, he could do this. He could do it in his sleep, take out goons like this...vultures preying on little kids...he could hold his sanity together long enough to take these guys down. _I know I can. For you, Bucky._

Nomad walked away from the car crash scene, the shattered glass, the flying papers, the blood, and the bodies...unaware that the "scum-suckers" that he had beaten to death were innocent civilians.

* * *

><p><em>Pennsylvania, 5 months before death<em>

For a little while, it seemed like it was fine for him, tracking down all the "dealers" for months now and taking them down, though little did it occur to him that he was taking down innocent people. But he also started to lose time again. Brief memories started to slip and then come back briefly, like when he woke in a motel room with no idea how he got there...and a girl who couldn't remember meeting, but somehow recalled a little of how he fucked her hard over and over last night until both collapsed.

It was then he started feeling doubt. He could feel it now: the rational mind and the one that's trying to kill it. The insanity mind. Sometimes when he woke up, he had a fever vision about another him growing inside his head, like a tumor...only its got his face...or is it Bucky Barnes' face? It was like a crazy double wanted to take his place, growing inside him, filling his skin, looking out through his eyes...

Wasn't he just a double? Wasn't he so many different people already? Maybe they were all different people all the time...maybe their identity is just fragments of memory and time...maybe every time they change their lives, change direction, change hairstyles and outfits, another one grows to take its place...

Shedding like snakeskin...every crazy thought part of some doppleganger that's been stalking him his entire life...Suddenly, he was terrified. He knew he was losing his mind, and all of it felt inevitable. He even wondered if the drug dealers he had been taking down this whole time were really drug dealers.

_Remember all those people, back in New York, _Barnes' voice sneered at him.

"No, no, no, no..." muttered Monroe, hands running through his mane of hair. "Not happening...S'not happening...what happened...What time...Bucky...her mask! _Where's her mask?_" He kept saying that over and over as he searched the room in panic, still naked, tossing aside bottles and clothes, looking.

The girl in bed woke up sleepily, saw him in his crazed state, and demanded, "What the hell's gotten into you?"

"_Her mask! Where're her mask?" _He then started searching the bed sheets, practically tearing them apart, and the woman leapt out of bed, startled and naked.

"_A mask? _We screwed last night and you're freaking out over a _mask?" _she exclaimed sarcastically. "What-you crazy or something?"

Jack finally noticed her and growled, "Get out..._now_!"

"Fine!" The woman grabbed up her clothes, slipped them on swiftly, and stormed out. "You can go rot, you asshole!" The door slammed, but he hardly noticed.

When he looked under the bed, there it was. Bucky's baby mask. He took it in both hands and sat on the edge of the bed, staring at it. Then he bunched it up in his fists and held them to his forehead, like he used it to cling for life. Feeling sick, he shivered and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. _I just have to hold on...for her. Just have to keep him inside of my head. I can do that._

_How much time has passed? Three-no, four months? I missed her birthday. She's seven now. _The tiny mask wrinkled in his grip and used it to channel his fear._ Happy birthday, sweetheart. I love you, baby. I'm going to keep you safe...even if it kills me. I promise. _

* * *

><p><em>Pennsylvania, 3 months before death<em>

More time had passed. He was starting to think that he shouldn't drink so much, but he ran out of pills long ago and alcohol was the only medicine he can think of.

In between blackouts, Monroe has been working his way into the scene, getting closer to the "dealer"...and learned his name: Gunnar. He was trying to find out where he stores the drugs before taking this guy out, but then someone pointed at the TV and Jack was amazed at what he was hearing.

The Avengers had disbanded! Jack had thought of Cap and suddenly felt guilty for not calling him, especially when he might be devastated at the separation of the group. _The Avengers, that's his family, practically, I should-_

* * *

><p><em>Pennsylvania, last night before death<em>

Then he had lost time. Around three months of time, still beating up civilians that he thought were drug dealers. Jack was starting to look worse. He felt worse, his strength and speed way off, but still better than the other guys. His head felt clearer now, even though he had no memory of what happened the last three months. He felt in control. There was only one person inside his head now.

He had demanded when Gunnar's next shipment was from the dealer he held down. The dealer cried out that he didn't know, so Nomad broke his arm. Eventually, he confessed everything and said Gunnar was meeting at the Stop and Drink again to make the pickup.

_It's all falling into place...finally...I'm almost done, Bucky. Soon, you'll be safe._

* * *

><p>The next night, he was waiting for Gunnar, ready to finish this. If the guy would show up. <em>Where is he? <em>Something was wrong. He should be here by now.

He was sweating. Did he have too much to drink? The beer feels thick, like syrup or-Cap was on TV again. Is that even real?

What was happening to him? This all felt so foreign...so wrong. And suddenly he was another person. He could see himself arguing with the bartender about something, see himself storming out..._Why am I so angry? What was I just screaming a moment ago?_ The rage, and the despair, was still fresh. Was it because he knew it was hopeless? Crazy? Not surprising, but not really comforting either. This isn't right, though. _Dr. Foster never said it would be like this...trapped in my own head._

_Screw this! _To his confusion, he found that the trunk of his car was open. Still fuming, he reached into his pocket and pulled out Bucky's mask, his thumb running over the old fabric tenderly, almost hearing her say, "It's okay," to calm his anger. _Maybe I _am_ done. Maybe one dealer won't be able to-_

"Jack Monroe?"

"Huh, yeah...what?" Monroe turned around, angrily. Then he was thrown off by what-or _who_-he was seeing. _It can't be...impossible. I took his place...I outgrew him..._ "Don't-Do I know you?"

"No." BAM!

He heard the noise...but he didn't feel it until a few seconds later, the impact startling until the pain started to spread over his chest. He reached up to touch where the pain started, and found his fingers soaked with dark red liquid...blood. "What..." he started, but then world started to tilt and he found himself crashing heavily against the car, sliding to the ground.

He couldn't move, his breath barely audible, but he was still there...barely, his eyes glassy, but managed to watch as his shooter picked him up like a baby and tossed him unceremoniously into his own trunk. When the trunk closed, and the roar of engine started, Jack laid in the darkness, still shocked from the pain and was fighting for breath.

He could feel the life leaving him...the pain...visions of his life flashed before his eyes as an abused son, his lost sister, William Burnside, Bucky Barnes, the animation chamber, Nomad, hookers, drug lords, baby Bucky, her mother, Faustus, Scourge, Steve Rogers, the Avengers, Nick Fury, the dealers-no, people..._innocent people..._the memories became clear and the visions became truth.

He felt tears run down his face, half-sobbing and half-choking on his own blood. _Oh Mother of God! All those people...what have I done? My mission...nothing..._

He had this coming. He always knew something like this would happen, and whoever his shooter was...if it really was who he thought he saw...it was only a matter of time before he hurt anyone else. And Bucky...Bucky...

Through the darkness of the trunk, _she _lit up. She was leaning over him, her tiny self next to him, her long brown hair tickling his cheeks and her green eyes looking down at him with all that beautiful innocence. Full of sadness, too. How was she here...was she real...he didn't care...her little hands cradling either side of his head _felt_ real... "_Daddy?"_

"Bucky...I'm...s-sorry, baby..." he panted, coughing more blood and then gasping in more pain. His weakened hand had finally loosened and the mask still lay wrapped around the base of his palm. "Drug...dealer...he...I didn't..."

_"__It's okay, Daddy. There was no drug dealer. He was never real. I'm safe."_

"Safe...you're safe..." He coughed and gasped. He knew he should feel horror...but it was relief. Tremendous relief. His daughter was not in danger. She was safe. And she was here with him.

Teeth gritting in pain, he looked up, and seeing his little daughter's face made him smile. His hand lifted weakly and touched her face tenderly, gently trailing along her hair strands. _So beautiful._ Her face _felt_ real. Her touch _felt_ real. She leaned on that hand and held on to it, which was soaked in blood, but it didn't stain her. She smiled down at him, but she was crying. _Don't cry, Bucky._

He flashed back when she was a baby, one he had found on the streets...tiny, innocent, alone, slightly injured from abuse and crying...when he had named her Bucky...when he held her in his arms almost all the time ever since...when her first word to him was "Da-da"...and how he freaked out about it at first...but had given in to it just as quickly...He had tried not to get too attached to the kid...but it was impossible...everything had changed...before her, he had never in his life thought it possible to find so much love...he had never really believed in it until her...unconditional love...especially for so small a child...

"Bucky...I...huh...I..."_ I'm sorry I killed all those people...that I was probably involved in killing your mother...that I ever gave you up..._ His body becoming weak and limp, his hand dropping to his chest, tears blurring his vision, he kept his eyes focused on his little girl's face and gasped, "I...I love you, Bucky...more than anything...baby...I love you...Bu...cky..."

His daughter leaned down and hugged him, her little soft lips kissing his grizzled cheek, wet with his tears. _"I love you, too, Daddy," _she whispered, her voice becoming an echo in the darkness now. _"It's okay...its okay...you can sleep now. It's okay..."_

_She was a little baby, crying alone in their hideout. Heart aching for her, Jack gently picked her up and just held her, speaking to her softly, giving her a teddy bear (Jackie Bear) he found in the process, until she fell asleep peacefully in his arms, her little heart beating against his. She was so warm, so small and fragile in his arms...with so much trust, so much love...They were like that all night, and the rest of the nights after...He would always keep her safe...love her...always..._

"G'night...Bucky..." He then breathed his last, and let the darkness take over. Then there was peace.

* * *

><p>Jack Monroe had died alone in the trunk of his own car, his last thoughts of his little Bucky. And his shooter-the Winter Soldier-was about to use his body as a scapegoat.<p>

Meanwhile, only a few miles away back in Pittsburg the same night, Julia "Bucky" Winters was tucked safely in her bed, Mrs. Winters rubbing her arm and humming a lullaby. Tucked next to her was Jackie Bear, now old and worn out, but still the same bear that Nomad, her adopted father, had given her to play with on their road trips, through the greatest and worst of their adventures. It was also to help her sleep at night when she got scared. She named her bear after him-Jack Monroe (a.k.a. Jackie Bear), because it sounded big and tough like him, but also warm and comforting like when she always fell asleep in her father's big arms. It made her feel safe.

There were some news pictures and wanted posters of Nomad (_Hero or Criminal?_) from the past, but Jackie Bear was truly all she had left of him.

When her foster mother kissed her good night, Julia murmured sleepily, "Jackie Bear, too."

Mrs. Winters kissed the bear and then left the bedroom, turning off the lights but leaving the nightlight on. Julia hugged her bear closer and kissed its ragged-furry head. "G'night, Jackie," she whispered to the bear, but really meant for the real Jack, who was somewhere out there. "Sleep tight."

Then she fell asleep, her bear still tucked in her arm, not knowing that the man who raised her, whom she always looked up to, was now a body being shipped back to New York to be used at a scapegoat for a terrorist attack.

For now, the memory of her vigilante father, Jack Monroe (Nomad), was still alive in her mind, and she cherished it proudly.

* * *

><p><strong>Sad, right? Find it in the comic book <strong>**_Captain America: Winter Soldier_****. It's a short but powerful story. Tragic. My favorite page, though, was when Jack Monroe was watching little Bucky on a swing with her adopted mother, but it broke my heart that she had been too young to remember him. I was just glad that she noticed him, at least, and was curious. **

**I still had to write a story about when Bucky knew Jack and recognized him as the only father she ever had, and that Jack saw her as the most important person in his life. I had to express it. They don't sell his comics anywhere anymore. Not popular enough. Those who don't know Jack Monroe, look him up. He's actually pretty cool. Weird and crazy, but cool! Look for Bucky (Julia Winters), too. She has a small role to play, as well.**


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